He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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