What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
