Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
