you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
