I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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