How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
