So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
