Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
