He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
