She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
