i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
