This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
