After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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