I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
