Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
