another moral hangover. fuck.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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