And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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