she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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