Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
