i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
