I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
