The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
