Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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