every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
