Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
