well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
