32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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