I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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