I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
