Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
