i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
