Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
