thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
