I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
