We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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