did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
