He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
