He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
