so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She said her name was "party"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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