I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize