Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
