listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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