Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
