life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
