There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
