Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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