yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
