Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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