some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize