i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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