Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
