we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
