That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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