When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
