They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
