went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize