PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
