You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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