I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
