well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
