You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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