there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
