Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
