My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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