the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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