Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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