he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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