Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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