24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
