Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
