4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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