I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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