My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
