Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
