Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
