How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
