you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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