Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
