it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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