Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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