I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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