Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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