The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She announced her abortion via fbk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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