Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
