my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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