i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
