i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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