): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize