So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize