There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no, he came in my armpit
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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