just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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