So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
