sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
