Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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