I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
