the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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