One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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