i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize