we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
