It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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