i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i came on her dog
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
