FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
