Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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