I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize