smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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